I am sorry it has been so long since I have written. Frustration has gotten the better of me. I am happy to report that my sugars have come down from the major highs I was having, but I am still up in the 200's.
I found a book that I am reading and loving. It is called "Lo-Starch Diabetes Solution". It is written by Rob Thompson. He talks about focusing more on starches rather than carbohydrates. What he talks about explains a lot with my body. When I started eating the diet that my husband is doing is when my sugars started to skyrocket. I am no longer doing the diet and my sugars have come down even though I am still eating things that are not good for me. My frustration was that I was eating "good" food and my sugars were higher than they have ever been. In the book he explains how starches are concentrated in grains and so they need to be eaten differently. On the diet I was eating grains and corn tortillas and such more than I ever had in the past. Now that I am not eating them so much, my sugars have come down.
So, I am going to finish the book and see what his suggested diet is. He has so far just said to stay clear of any flour containing foods, potatoes, rice, corn and sugar containing liquids. I am about 1/2 way through the book, but I think that he is right and that what he has to say can really help me. In the mean time, I am just taking my medicine and trying to do what I can to keep them from being up in the 4 and 5 hundreds again.
Emotionally I am down. I find that when I get around my family I do much better. I am more relaxed and that helps. I guess I need to get around them more. :) When I get into my own home I am reminded of all the responsibilities that I have and the struggles going on and it brings me down. I still think that the vitamins I am taking are helping with me not "flipping out", but I am still angry a lot. Not just a little angry.....very angry. I just focus on not taking it out on my daughter and that is as far as i can get and don't get much resolution.
Anyway, back to the diabetes......
I am hopeful that I can bring my numbers down, but as usual I know that exercise is going to be a huge part of doing that. I have moved my elliptical to the living room and hope that the late hours won't upset my neighbors much. We will find out soon I guess.
So, I am currently on 58 units of the 75/25 mix in the am and 66 units at night. I am also still taking all the vitamins, metformin and a blood pressure medication. As for diet I am trying to stick to meats and veggies in general, but yesterday was a bad day. I had a steamer for breakfast, which is basically a flavored hot milk. Then for lunch I had a bowl of pinto beans, then later in the afternoon I had a hamburger and onion rings. I did bypass the soda, but had a couple of bites of my daughter's ice cream. I was angry when I got home and I didn't care and so I had ruffles potato chips for dinner.
I woke up with a better attitude and then found out something that has made me angry again and so I am trying to fight the urge to eat bad for breakfast, but to do that I am just not eating anything. I am making stuffed bell peppers for dinner and using my sister's idea of stuffing them with meat and veggies instead of just meat. Then we will have a dinner salad along with it. For lunch I need to plan something so that I don't choose poorly.
Well, I will try to keep up with writing better because it keeps me thinking about my diabetes and so I feel it is important. I am not promising how often, but I will try to keep things going.
This is my outlet of dealing with my diabetes. I was born in 1973 and although I am sure I had it for years, I was diagnosed in 1998 with type 2 diabetes. I have never had control (other than the 9 months I was pregnant). I have neuropothy in my feet and can no longer feel them. I am also seeing that my body is breaking down faster and I feel like I am 80 some days. So, I am trying to change things out of fear and this is my blog about it.
Followers
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
1/11/12-am
So I don't know if I am plain angry or sad or both. I am frustrated to say the least.
At work on Monday, I was extremely emotional and at one point I had received an email that appeared aggressive and angry and I broke down and cried. Once I started crying, I couldn't stop. I have felt a lack of control with my emotions for the last week.
Yesterday I was still feeling sad and angry. I got into another fight with my husband over something stupid and when I went to bed last night I tested 507. For dinner I had had some steak, two rolls and about 12 oz of some orange soda for dinner. I know it was more the soda. I guess it is more of the fact that I am realizing that the insulin is becoming less and less effective.
Today I have a bit of a resolve to only let my carbs come from vegetables and fruit today. My issue is that I am not prepared food wise to do this. I will just do what I can. I think I will have a meal replacement bar that has 44 carbs, but other than that, I am going to try and stay away as much as possible.
Emotionally today I am angry and I know this is dangerous for when it comes to food. I am angry at a lot of things. I wish I had time to go work out this morning and try to work some of it off, but I have to finish up to go to work. Today after work I am hoping to be able to go work out.
I emailed my doctor yesterday letting her know I need to adjust my insulin, but I have not heard back yet. I hope to hear from her today.
I think the anger comes because I wake up sad and frustrated feeling like I have no real direction and then I come out to a messy house and my stress level goes up and I immediately become angry because the mess belongs to my husband and I feel like I am dealing with a teenager. But part of what makes me angry is that I am not allowed to say anything because I am "nagging", but I refuse to clean up after him because he is an adult. So, I hold it in and become more angry. By the time I walk out the door for work I am spitting nails and I don't even say goodbye to him. We had a therapist tell us some things to do and I came home and put them into play. He didn't. It has been just over a week and I stopped doing it because he hasn't done anything. I am not going to have this be a one side attempt.
Anyway.....I am also just angry that I can't find my desire to eat correctly because when I have, I don't seem to see the numbers change. Again, it has to do with exercise. I can't exercise too early in the morning or too late at night because my downstairs neighbors get angry. I need to do something, but I never do. It doesn't matter what people say to me, I won't do it unless I do it. I don't give up because of my daughter, but if it weren't for her, I would have no problem just giving up completely.
At work on Monday, I was extremely emotional and at one point I had received an email that appeared aggressive and angry and I broke down and cried. Once I started crying, I couldn't stop. I have felt a lack of control with my emotions for the last week.
Yesterday I was still feeling sad and angry. I got into another fight with my husband over something stupid and when I went to bed last night I tested 507. For dinner I had had some steak, two rolls and about 12 oz of some orange soda for dinner. I know it was more the soda. I guess it is more of the fact that I am realizing that the insulin is becoming less and less effective.
Today I have a bit of a resolve to only let my carbs come from vegetables and fruit today. My issue is that I am not prepared food wise to do this. I will just do what I can. I think I will have a meal replacement bar that has 44 carbs, but other than that, I am going to try and stay away as much as possible.
Emotionally today I am angry and I know this is dangerous for when it comes to food. I am angry at a lot of things. I wish I had time to go work out this morning and try to work some of it off, but I have to finish up to go to work. Today after work I am hoping to be able to go work out.
I emailed my doctor yesterday letting her know I need to adjust my insulin, but I have not heard back yet. I hope to hear from her today.
I think the anger comes because I wake up sad and frustrated feeling like I have no real direction and then I come out to a messy house and my stress level goes up and I immediately become angry because the mess belongs to my husband and I feel like I am dealing with a teenager. But part of what makes me angry is that I am not allowed to say anything because I am "nagging", but I refuse to clean up after him because he is an adult. So, I hold it in and become more angry. By the time I walk out the door for work I am spitting nails and I don't even say goodbye to him. We had a therapist tell us some things to do and I came home and put them into play. He didn't. It has been just over a week and I stopped doing it because he hasn't done anything. I am not going to have this be a one side attempt.
Anyway.....I am also just angry that I can't find my desire to eat correctly because when I have, I don't seem to see the numbers change. Again, it has to do with exercise. I can't exercise too early in the morning or too late at night because my downstairs neighbors get angry. I need to do something, but I never do. It doesn't matter what people say to me, I won't do it unless I do it. I don't give up because of my daughter, but if it weren't for her, I would have no problem just giving up completely.
Monday, January 9, 2012
1/9/12 -AM
Well, it appears that the new insulin regimen is working. At least it appears to be that way. I haven't changed anything else and my numbers have come back down under 300 for the most part. I did test above 300 before bed last night, but this morning it was 297. I know, I know, it is almost 300, but it is under. Over the weekend, I never tested less than 200, but it was always under 300 with the exception of last night. However, last night I had just eaten a snack, but needed to test before I went to sleep. Next time I think I will test before my snack.....
Today I have planned out my food again. I am having a protein shake for breakfast, eggs with a wedge of laughing cow cheese on two small corn tortillas (my new favorite breakfast), a small Lunchable and a Cliff meal replacement bar. I will drink plenty of water and then for dinner I am planning on veggies, fish and brown rice. I may skip the brown rice all together and just have the fish and veggies. It will depend on how hungry I feel.
The protein shake that I am making today will also be made with a vegetable protein. I am wondering if my sugars will react to it differently. It is a free one from my husband's work for his diet program that he is on (which he has lost almost 20 lbs). I still weigh 208 lbs and so I haven't gained any weight, but I still haven't lost more. Exercise will be the key and I know that. I plan to come home tonight and finally break open the "Biggest Loser" game that I bought a long time ago for the Wii. I toyed with the idea all weekend of buying an exercise bike, but I feel that there are so many other exercises that I can do that won't cost money and I feel that getting debts paid off is more important than getting a bike right now. Stress raises my sugars and having debt still stresses me.
I did find this last weekend that when I was angry (which was quite a bit this weekend), I didn't feel the urge to eat like I have in the past. I didn't really feel the urge to do anything except be angry. So, I guess I was half way there. I didn't have the desire to eat, but I didn't really even think about going to exercise.
Emotionally today I am still pretty stressed out. There are circumstances going on in other parts of my life right now that cause me great anxiety and there isn't much I can do about it. But, I think that if I begin to exercise, it will help get some of that anxiety out. I am feeling sort of sad and out of control today. It will be better at work because I am able to focus on other things.
Physically, I am tired. I didn't get much sleep last night because I didn't get to bed until 11:00 and I woke up today at 4:30 to make food for the day and to try and get my day organized. I actually woke up around 3am, but I didn't get out of bed until 4:30. Tonight I hope to be asleep by 9pm.
I have an appointment scheduled with my diabetes dr on Wednesday, but I am going to have to re-schedule it. I won't be able to go because of what is going on at work this week. It is year end, month end and end of the pay period all at once and not only that, I will be transmitting two separate payrolls this week. So, needless to say, it is going to be busy and so I won't be able to take the time off. The good thing is that my dr has an email that I can send an email to and someone will respond and so I can let her know what is going on with this new dose of insulin and she can adjust it without me seeing her. I will try and re-schedule for next week when things have slowed down at work.
Here is to another week..... :)
Today I have planned out my food again. I am having a protein shake for breakfast, eggs with a wedge of laughing cow cheese on two small corn tortillas (my new favorite breakfast), a small Lunchable and a Cliff meal replacement bar. I will drink plenty of water and then for dinner I am planning on veggies, fish and brown rice. I may skip the brown rice all together and just have the fish and veggies. It will depend on how hungry I feel.
The protein shake that I am making today will also be made with a vegetable protein. I am wondering if my sugars will react to it differently. It is a free one from my husband's work for his diet program that he is on (which he has lost almost 20 lbs). I still weigh 208 lbs and so I haven't gained any weight, but I still haven't lost more. Exercise will be the key and I know that. I plan to come home tonight and finally break open the "Biggest Loser" game that I bought a long time ago for the Wii. I toyed with the idea all weekend of buying an exercise bike, but I feel that there are so many other exercises that I can do that won't cost money and I feel that getting debts paid off is more important than getting a bike right now. Stress raises my sugars and having debt still stresses me.
I did find this last weekend that when I was angry (which was quite a bit this weekend), I didn't feel the urge to eat like I have in the past. I didn't really feel the urge to do anything except be angry. So, I guess I was half way there. I didn't have the desire to eat, but I didn't really even think about going to exercise.
Emotionally today I am still pretty stressed out. There are circumstances going on in other parts of my life right now that cause me great anxiety and there isn't much I can do about it. But, I think that if I begin to exercise, it will help get some of that anxiety out. I am feeling sort of sad and out of control today. It will be better at work because I am able to focus on other things.
Physically, I am tired. I didn't get much sleep last night because I didn't get to bed until 11:00 and I woke up today at 4:30 to make food for the day and to try and get my day organized. I actually woke up around 3am, but I didn't get out of bed until 4:30. Tonight I hope to be asleep by 9pm.
I have an appointment scheduled with my diabetes dr on Wednesday, but I am going to have to re-schedule it. I won't be able to go because of what is going on at work this week. It is year end, month end and end of the pay period all at once and not only that, I will be transmitting two separate payrolls this week. So, needless to say, it is going to be busy and so I won't be able to take the time off. The good thing is that my dr has an email that I can send an email to and someone will respond and so I can let her know what is going on with this new dose of insulin and she can adjust it without me seeing her. I will try and re-schedule for next week when things have slowed down at work.
Here is to another week..... :)
Friday, January 6, 2012
1/6/2012 - AM
So I went and saw the diabetes educator yesterday. Loved her. I felt on the verge of tears the whole appointment. She changed my insulin and the way I take it to make it easier on me. I had been taking the Lantus every morning and night and then humalog every meal. She switched me to a 25/75 mix that I take every morning and every night. This isn't a final setup, it is really just to help get my numbers down and give me a little success. She has started me out on 50 units each dose.
My numbers before bed last night were 365. When I woke up this morning, they were 322.
Emotionally today I am feeling a little bit of stress off. I know it wasn't a big change, but just one less thing to calculate was good. My biggest issue at this point will be to make sure I don't forget to take it. I think I can do this.
Today is friday and so I am looking forward to the weekend. I need to spend it doing some organizing around my house. I also need to get some of my "to do" list accomplished. It should be a good weekend.
I think I may have an infection in one if not both eyes. My left eye has a scratch across the eyelid that is not healing. It is right along the seem when I open my eye. Last night I used some hydrogen peroxid and it fizzed like crazy. I then put some neosporin and a bandade so that if it melted, it wouldn't roll into my eye and slept with the bandage on. The last few months, at night I will watch tv and because I am a boob, I cry watching a lot of the shows and when tears would well up, my eyes would burn to the point I would have to close them for a time so they could clear out. I just passed it off as sensitive eyes, but I am wondering now if it is something more. Nothing major, but something that I could use some antibiotic eye drops or something for. I will see if a few nights of bandaging and neosporin on the scratch helps.
So that I don't get down on myself about the high sugar numbers, I feel like I have kindof shut off on the caring part. Almost like going back into denial that I even have diabetes. I guess it is ok for a day or two, but I don't want to do it forever or I won't try harder. But, I feel like I need to do it so that I don't get frustrated and give up completely.
What I NEED to do is exercise. I don't feel like I will get anywhere if I don't. I have all the excuses in the world. Ideal would be that I go home and while my daughter does her homework, I exercise. But, the eliptical that I have is too loud for the people downstairs (they came up to us and told us). I have thought of buying something quieter, but I don't know that I feel good about spending $500 on it. I can go to the clubhouse, but I can't get my daughter to stay entertained with something while I workout. I could leave her in daycare and go right after work, but I already feel guilty that she is there for 9 hours a day as it is. Maybe I do just need to break down and spend the money.
My numbers before bed last night were 365. When I woke up this morning, they were 322.
Emotionally today I am feeling a little bit of stress off. I know it wasn't a big change, but just one less thing to calculate was good. My biggest issue at this point will be to make sure I don't forget to take it. I think I can do this.
Today is friday and so I am looking forward to the weekend. I need to spend it doing some organizing around my house. I also need to get some of my "to do" list accomplished. It should be a good weekend.
I think I may have an infection in one if not both eyes. My left eye has a scratch across the eyelid that is not healing. It is right along the seem when I open my eye. Last night I used some hydrogen peroxid and it fizzed like crazy. I then put some neosporin and a bandade so that if it melted, it wouldn't roll into my eye and slept with the bandage on. The last few months, at night I will watch tv and because I am a boob, I cry watching a lot of the shows and when tears would well up, my eyes would burn to the point I would have to close them for a time so they could clear out. I just passed it off as sensitive eyes, but I am wondering now if it is something more. Nothing major, but something that I could use some antibiotic eye drops or something for. I will see if a few nights of bandaging and neosporin on the scratch helps.
So that I don't get down on myself about the high sugar numbers, I feel like I have kindof shut off on the caring part. Almost like going back into denial that I even have diabetes. I guess it is ok for a day or two, but I don't want to do it forever or I won't try harder. But, I feel like I need to do it so that I don't get frustrated and give up completely.
What I NEED to do is exercise. I don't feel like I will get anywhere if I don't. I have all the excuses in the world. Ideal would be that I go home and while my daughter does her homework, I exercise. But, the eliptical that I have is too loud for the people downstairs (they came up to us and told us). I have thought of buying something quieter, but I don't know that I feel good about spending $500 on it. I can go to the clubhouse, but I can't get my daughter to stay entertained with something while I workout. I could leave her in daycare and go right after work, but I already feel guilty that she is there for 9 hours a day as it is. Maybe I do just need to break down and spend the money.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
1/5/12 - AM
So I realized that I have not been saying what I eat etc on here lately. I also haven't been testing like I should either.
This morning I have an appointment with a diabetes educator. I am not sure how it will go because I feel like I know quite a bit about diabetes already and I feel like I need the most help with food and I am not sure how much she can help with that. We will see.....
I woke up at 327 this morning. I feel like I am eating better and so I don't understand why I am waking up so much higher lately. I missed my meds on Tuesday night, but other than that, I have been taking them.
I am frustrated because I am eating less calories and I am eating foods that are better for me than I ate when I first started this blog and so I don't understand why I am so far off the mark. I know that I need to exercise, but I would still think my sugars would stay the same at the very least with changing my diet for the better. I am just frustrated.
So we didn't lose our insurance. My husband was able to talk to his work and they are letting him attempt to work the hours they require to keep the insurance. I am glad to keep the insurance, but I am worried that the schedule will kill him. For example, he worked until 11pm last night and was up at 4:30am to start again. He can do that once a week and be ok, but when it turns into 2 or sometimes even 3 nights in a row like that.....
I am feeling overwhelmed. In more areas than in just my health, but because I am overwhelmed in other areas of my life, my health comes last priority. I think it is because the other issues involve other people and so I put it first. Also, I can multi-task the other issues and work on them all at the same time, but it seems that I have to pull myself away from life to deal with my health. I have to stop everything, put my daughter on hold, put my life on hold to exercise. I also feel like I am stopping everything to take meds etc. I know I am not really stopping my life, I am just making other people wait.
Physically I am feeling ok. I am tired as usual, but today I am not really feeling as tired as usual. Probably because I have a lot going on in my head. My "to do" list is getting bigger and it makes me VERY anxious. At this point is when I usually write it down.
This morning I have an appointment with a diabetes educator. I am not sure how it will go because I feel like I know quite a bit about diabetes already and I feel like I need the most help with food and I am not sure how much she can help with that. We will see.....
I woke up at 327 this morning. I feel like I am eating better and so I don't understand why I am waking up so much higher lately. I missed my meds on Tuesday night, but other than that, I have been taking them.
I am frustrated because I am eating less calories and I am eating foods that are better for me than I ate when I first started this blog and so I don't understand why I am so far off the mark. I know that I need to exercise, but I would still think my sugars would stay the same at the very least with changing my diet for the better. I am just frustrated.
So we didn't lose our insurance. My husband was able to talk to his work and they are letting him attempt to work the hours they require to keep the insurance. I am glad to keep the insurance, but I am worried that the schedule will kill him. For example, he worked until 11pm last night and was up at 4:30am to start again. He can do that once a week and be ok, but when it turns into 2 or sometimes even 3 nights in a row like that.....
I am feeling overwhelmed. In more areas than in just my health, but because I am overwhelmed in other areas of my life, my health comes last priority. I think it is because the other issues involve other people and so I put it first. Also, I can multi-task the other issues and work on them all at the same time, but it seems that I have to pull myself away from life to deal with my health. I have to stop everything, put my daughter on hold, put my life on hold to exercise. I also feel like I am stopping everything to take meds etc. I know I am not really stopping my life, I am just making other people wait.
Physically I am feeling ok. I am tired as usual, but today I am not really feeling as tired as usual. Probably because I have a lot going on in my head. My "to do" list is getting bigger and it makes me VERY anxious. At this point is when I usually write it down.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
1/3/12 AM
Well, I think that writing in this was helpful, if only for a while to keeping me thinking about what I am doing/or not doing with my diabetes.
I was sick through most of the holidays, even yesterday I woke up with a headache that debilitated me and it was bad enough that I threw up around 3pm. I had extremely high sugars through being sick also. I know that my sugars are higher when sick and so it makes it more important to keep my sugars under control, but I kept feeling like "What's the use? I am not eating well, so why bother?" I did at one point test at a point that I wasn't feeling too sick and I tested a 511. I don't think I have ever tested that high.
So for the last 48 hours, I have been taking my medicine and this morning I have a sugar of 367. I have a plan for my food today. I feel sick still, but I feel more tired than sick.
Emotionally I am really stressed out. As of 1/1/12, I am uninsured. We lost our health insurance because my husband's second job raised the required hours for health insurance and he can't work them. So, he is trying to get the information from his main job about their insurance, but the premium is double what the premium is at my work. The disadvantage in the insurance through my work is that there is a $4000 deductible that needs to be filled first which means that we would have to pay for my medicines until the $4000 deductible is filled. We can't afford paying the $400/month for my medicine. So, it might be better for us to pay a higher premium so that we don't have to come up with the money for my medicine each month. I filled all my prescriptions on the 30th last month so that I have another month's worth of medicine. I am also hoping to get a raise at work soon since I will be reaching my 1 year mark, but I am not so sure it will happen due to my boss herself hasn't had a raise in a long while. I know this because I am in payroll.
So, I am hoping to get my sugars down soon. I will report again tomorrow.
I was sick through most of the holidays, even yesterday I woke up with a headache that debilitated me and it was bad enough that I threw up around 3pm. I had extremely high sugars through being sick also. I know that my sugars are higher when sick and so it makes it more important to keep my sugars under control, but I kept feeling like "What's the use? I am not eating well, so why bother?" I did at one point test at a point that I wasn't feeling too sick and I tested a 511. I don't think I have ever tested that high.
So for the last 48 hours, I have been taking my medicine and this morning I have a sugar of 367. I have a plan for my food today. I feel sick still, but I feel more tired than sick.
Emotionally I am really stressed out. As of 1/1/12, I am uninsured. We lost our health insurance because my husband's second job raised the required hours for health insurance and he can't work them. So, he is trying to get the information from his main job about their insurance, but the premium is double what the premium is at my work. The disadvantage in the insurance through my work is that there is a $4000 deductible that needs to be filled first which means that we would have to pay for my medicines until the $4000 deductible is filled. We can't afford paying the $400/month for my medicine. So, it might be better for us to pay a higher premium so that we don't have to come up with the money for my medicine each month. I filled all my prescriptions on the 30th last month so that I have another month's worth of medicine. I am also hoping to get a raise at work soon since I will be reaching my 1 year mark, but I am not so sure it will happen due to my boss herself hasn't had a raise in a long while. I know this because I am in payroll.
So, I am hoping to get my sugars down soon. I will report again tomorrow.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
12/22/11-am
I am finding that my biggest struggle right now is taking my medicine. I don't know why I can't concentrate on multiple areas at one time. I have been so concentrated on eating and the meals, that I am not remembering to take my medicine. It is almost like I need to make myself a checklist for each day.
I did take my medicine yesterday and I am going to take it after I am done here. I have still been struggling with what I eat, ironically enough, because of all the food available at work. Today they are having a catered lunch and so I am going to eat that instead of making food and taking it today. I still have to make food for my husband, but I am making him the easier meals instead of having to "cook" something.
I am very tired because I haven't gotten enough sleep again the last few nights. I am not nearly as tired as I was last week, but still very tired.
Emotionally I am feeling pretty good. I haven't been able to feel truly excited over anything in quite a while and lately I find that I am genuinely excited about Christmas and gift giving. It has been nice to feel this way again. I also have not been having any episodes of extreme anger. I contribute all of these changes to taking the vitamins mixture that my sister suggested.
I did take my medicine yesterday and I am going to take it after I am done here. I have still been struggling with what I eat, ironically enough, because of all the food available at work. Today they are having a catered lunch and so I am going to eat that instead of making food and taking it today. I still have to make food for my husband, but I am making him the easier meals instead of having to "cook" something.
I am very tired because I haven't gotten enough sleep again the last few nights. I am not nearly as tired as I was last week, but still very tired.
Emotionally I am feeling pretty good. I haven't been able to feel truly excited over anything in quite a while and lately I find that I am genuinely excited about Christmas and gift giving. It has been nice to feel this way again. I also have not been having any episodes of extreme anger. I contribute all of these changes to taking the vitamins mixture that my sister suggested.
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