So today I was pretty good until my husband came home. As I mentioned before, I had a headache when I woke up. The only way that I am able to get rid of those kinds of headaches is to take a pain medication with a coke. We only have one car and my husband was at work and so when he called me, he offered to bring me a coke. He did, but he also brought home two boxes of fudge covered Ritz crackers! I was good and didn't eat any.
This afternoon I tested a 188. This is the lowest I have had in the past week.
Dinner came, and by request I made meat loaf. I also made spinach to go with it and when I saw that there wasn't nearly enough, I made some mashed potatoes to go with it. My husband brought his son home with him to visit, and this time, he wanted spinach. So, there was only enough for two people and I ended up with mashed potatoes.
To get my daughter to eat her "good food" today, I bribed her with brownies. I know, I know, I shouldn't do it that way, but this was the only bribe that would work today. I figured giving her a 2"x2" brownie for eating well all day was worth it. Well, it backfired. I called my husband on his way home to have him stop and get ketchup for the meat loaf. He got the ketchup....he also got a chocolate bar, bread and some cheeses and sausage. I was able to pass on the cheese and sausage and I will pass on the chocolate bar, but I didn't pass on the bread. I had figured that I had already screwed things up by eating the potatoes.
After dinner, I found out that the reason that his son came over was not the reason I was originally told and this upset me because manipulation and lies have been a pattern and I don't like being lied to. So, in my anger, I ate 2 brownies! As I was eating them I was thinking "Karen, this is a pattern....you are only eating in anger....you are only hurting yourself....stop and learn!". But, yet again, I ignored myself and ate them with my finger up at myself and hating myself at the same time.
I have been doing house chores all day and part of that was laundry. I had them unfolded on the bed and went in to fold them. In my anger at my husband, I folded mine and my daughter's and threw his on the floor on his side of the bed. Very childish, but it made me feel better....a little.
So, now I am feeling angry at myself for eating the brownies and the potatoes and the bread. I keep telling myself to go in and get on the elliptical. I think I will.
Til tomorrow.......
This is my outlet of dealing with my diabetes. I was born in 1973 and although I am sure I had it for years, I was diagnosed in 1998 with type 2 diabetes. I have never had control (other than the 9 months I was pregnant). I have neuropothy in my feet and can no longer feel them. I am also seeing that my body is breaking down faster and I feel like I am 80 some days. So, I am trying to change things out of fear and this is my blog about it.
1 comment:
Glad to see you are doing this blog. We are worried about you too. I hope it helps to write it all down. You have the kindness disease and always put everyone else first. It wouldn't have been selfish to save the spinach for you since potatoes wouldn't have hurt anyone else.
Post a Comment